Mint Fantasy: A Parody
by MyFairJohn
Summary: Things aren't going very good in Atlantis, because Rodney called the Wraith there, Ronan is about to beat up Rodney and kill Woolsey, and John has fallen in the ocean. SGA/LOTR crossover
1. Chapter 1

_Note: I want to thank __**StickFigureParadise**__ for their help with my story._

Rodney was walking on the balcony behind the 'gate room when a mint fantasy fell from the sky and hit him on the head. The label said," From the sexy penguins of the sky, aka the wraith."

"Hm," Rodney said. "I wonder who these creepy penguins are and what this fantasy is."

He opened the package and a ray of light burst forth and blinded Ronan's perfect brown eyes for 5.8 seconds.

"Rodney?!?!" Ronan growled, his eyesight momentarily gone. "Great job! You just called the wraith here, again."

"It's not my fault the giant sexy penguins like me more than you," Rodney retorted. "Why don't you go and tell John all your little problems."

At that exact second, Woolsey walked onto the balcony, causing Ronan to loose his chance to beat Rodney to a pulp.

Across the city, John was practicing for the golf tournament by driving balls off a pier. Suddenly, a caramel fantasy fell from the sky and splashed in the ocean about ten feet from his head.

In his haste to find out what had nearly brained him, John overextended himself and fell, about ten feet, screaming into the ocean.

Somewhere in the sky far above Atlantis, the sexy penguins (wraith) said," Oh, crap. That's not supposed to happen. Do any of you have a spare time machine on you?"

One wraith (Michael) reached into his pocket and pulled out a small square remote. "How far do you want me to go back, Capt'n?" he asked, harkening back to his days as human.

A holographic figure of a man, looking just like Jonathan Archer, and said," Back about an hour, Trip, um, Michael."

"Alrighty. You said 30 years, right?" Michael said, turning dials and pushing buttons.

"No, wait. . ." a slightly fat wraith yelled, but it was too late. Now instead of standing in a room full of battle hardened wraith, they all stood amongst four foot tall silver headed school boys, who happened to be armed with deadly weapons.

"Michael?!?!" they all yelled, running toward him.

"Um, fellow wraiths, I'm sorry." Michael said feeling slightly scared. But the other wraithlings took no notice of his words and aimed their guns at him. "Noooooo! Mommy, save me!!"

The young wraith paused in a moment of silence for Michael's mother, before they remembered they were trying to kill him. By that time, he had recalibrated the device to 29 years, 365 days, and 23 hours in the future and he pushed the big red button.


	2. Chapter 2

Two small figures stalked the halls of Atlantis, going between the mess hall and food storage. "I'm hungry, Merry." one complained.

"Shut up, Pippin!" Merry said angrily. "You're going to get us caught."

"Hey! You're the one who tripped over your feet and knocked over a few boxes," Pippin said and he stood up quickly. Unfortunately, he upset a pile of metal pans and they hit the floor with a tremendous clash, bang, and boom.

At that exact second a fat cook ran in. "I knew there was someone sneaking around here and. . ." He stopped midsentence and stared at the small figures. "Help! My kitchen is being overrun by warrior midgets!" he screamed as Pippin pulled out his sword.

"That was dumb," Merry yelled, dragging Pippin from the room and into the hallway.

Ronan was walking off the balcony when he heard the call for help. "I'm coming," he yelled bravely, pulling out his gun as he ran down the hallway towards the sound of the cook's screams.

He skidded to a halt when he saw Merry and Pippin. "Oh no, midget people!"

"Great," Merry said unenthusiastically, not wanting to get in a fight with this big muscular warrior.

Ronan swallowed hard and backed up. "I didn't see anything. Please don't hurt me, midgets."

Pippin ran forward and kicked Ronan's shin. "How dare you call us midgets! We are Hobbits, of the Shire, you know."

Before Ronan could either shoot the Hobbits or run away, Rodney came skipping down the hall singing "Giant sex-y pen-guines, oh, giant sex-y pen-guines."

Pippin's courage finally failed and he ran for cover behind Merry. "Here's another crazy guy. Oh, great."

"Hey, Ronan! How's it. . ." Rodney began before he saw the Hobbits. "Uh, who's those, um, midget peoples?"

Pippin growled from behind Merry. "How dare you . . ." he got off before Merry stepped on his foot hard.

While this small drama was happening, Rodney and Ronan backed away slowly and were about to turn around when a hand on both of their shoulders stopped them. "Where do you think you are going?" a deep voice asked.

"Aragorn!" Merry and Pippin yelled. "You're finally here."

Just then, John stumbled out of his room, feeling like he had drunk one too many shots of whisky the night before. "Quit making so much noise. You too, Aragorn."

Major Loren and Carson Beckett walked down the hallway, and it looked like both of them had been crying. "John was a good guy. He saved my life *sniff* so many times." Loren said sadly.

"Aye," Carson said, wiping a tear from his eye. "He . . . he was the greatest friend I ever had *sob*," Carson replied.

When they walked by Aragorn they both said hi. "Have you heard about poor old John?" Carson asked.

"Uh, no. What happened to him?" Aragorn asked, feeling confused, because he had just seen John.

"He *sob, sniff* drowned. We couldn't even find his body," Loren said and started crying again.

John again stumbled out his door. "I said hold it down!"

"Hi, John," Rodney said.


End file.
